Why I’m Loving Midlife More Than I Ever Loved Youth

There I was, standing in my garden path, watching a wasp eat an apple for half an hour.

Now, I could have felt guilty about this. Those apples were meant to become apple crumble, but somehow I’d stepped over that little pile for several days, heading down to work in the garden and thinking “I’ll get them later” - then mysteriously forgetting all about them on my way back to the house.

By the time I remembered, the blackbirds had found them. One apple had a great big hole pecked right through it, and there, deep inside that sweet flesh, was the most beautiful wasp I’d ever seen.

Nobody likes wasps, do they? We coo over bees and shriek at wasps, but this one was completely absorbed in its feast - so intent on filling itself up with apple that it didn’t notice me at all. I had time to fetch my phone and film it, watching the elegant way it worked, how efficiently it moved. It was utterly gorgeous.

The Beauty of Autumn Gardens

This happened during our first week in The Studio, where we were practicing noticing beauty in unexpected places, training our brains to look for the good. And it got me thinking about autumn - both in the garden and in life.

Autumn is my favorite season, even though technically it’s when the garden looks most chaotic.

In spring, my garden actually looks quite structured and neat. Everything’s been weeded and mulched, and I’m there desperately willing things to grow - “Come on, come on, something should happen!” It’s all anticipation and rushing energy.

Summer continues that rush. Is it a good summer for sweet peas? For tomatoes? For roses? There’s this constant pressure for things to perform to their best because that’s their only chance.

But then comes autumn, with its sudden temperature drop and cooler mornings. Things lose their structure and slump a little, but suddenly you see so much life - worms exploring, butterflies emerging from the nettle crops, birds everywhere as the fledglings feed themselves up for winter.

The Seasons of Our Lives

It struck me how perfectly this mirrors our human seasons.

In youth, we’re like spring gardens - desperately waiting for things to happen, trying to make things happen, feeling we’re not moving fast enough. I remember being in my twenties working as an art gallery curator, feeling like I wasn’t doing enough, wasn’t accomplishing enough. Complete nonsense, but that rushing energy was so real.

Then come those middle years - the summer season - all about racking up accomplishments, doing the stuff, feeling like so much rides on getting that season right. Just like worrying whether your tomatoes will have a good year, there’s this pressure that if you don’t do it now, you’ll never get another chance.

But then arrives midlife. Our autumn season.

The Gift of Midlife

Something changes - exactly like that morning temperature shift that transforms the garden. Whether it’s perimenopause, menopause, or just the accumulation of lived experience, we shift. And I don’t think it changes us in a bad way. I think it changes us in a really, really good way.

It’s life lived. It’s wisdom earned. It’s the ability to say: this is me, this is who I am, these are my opinions.

I was in a business group recently where someone said, almost casually, “This works well for marketing wellness services because everybody hates their bodies, don’t they?”

I sat there thinking, “Actually, no. I don’t hate mine.”

Now, I know I may have an advantage here. Having had a health scare and thinking I might not make it to middle age completely changed how I see my body. Instead of seeing it as something substandard that needs fixing or filling or lifting, I see it as something amazing that just keeps going.

But imagine - what could we accomplish as women if we didn’t spend our time and energy hating our bodies? How much more money, time, and headspace would we have if we weren’t constantly criticizing ourselves?

Second-Flush Roses

This brings me to my climbing rose that covers the wall outside our bedroom window. In June, it’s absolutely covered in frothy pink flowers - everything summer should be, carefree and abundant.

But in September, when two or three branches refloom, those flowers are different. They’re slightly puckered, with an almost suede-like quality to the pink petals. They’re not as carefree as the June blooms.

And I love them so much more. So much more than that froth of summer.

They’re like us in midlife - textured by experience, marked by the seasons we’ve weathered, but possessing a beauty that’s deeper, more complex, more interesting than anything youth could offer.

Embracing Your Season

This is what I’ve learned: midlife isn’t about trying to recapture the dewy perfection of our twenties or the ambitious energy of our forties. It’s about appreciating this season for what it uniquely offers - wisdom, authenticity, the courage to be ourselves, and yes, a different kind of beauty.

Like that wasp in the apple, absorbed and content with its feast. Like autumn gardens full of unexpected life. Like second-flush roses with their complex, hard-won beauty.

We are exactly where we’re meant to be, in exactly the season we’re meant to be in.

And there’s something revolutionary about embracing that.

What’s your favorite season - in the garden and in life? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

If this resonates with you, you might love The Studio - my online membership where we explore slow, seasonal making that blends creativity with meaning. It’s a place for women who want to work at the pace of seasons and find deeper connection through their hands. Learn more here.

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