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Snapdragon blog

Seeing yourself

seeing yourselves as others see you

A couple of weeks ago I went away with a friend to a swanky hotel. It was only for 1 night, it was squashed into busy schedules, meeting halfway up the country, it felt as though it might be too little.

We went with a purpose - to talk about work and life and plans with someone who wouldn't judge and who might have a different perspective.

It turned out to be transformational - a mini mindset change.

And that wasn't because of the plans we made or the contacts we pooled - though they were great - it was because I got to see myself through my friends eyes. And she sees me in quite a different way to how I see myself.

Where I see from the inside - with all my doubts and cringes amplified and distorted by the fairground mirrors in my head - she sees me from the outside.

From the outside with generosity.

And she believes that I can do things - no question. She is incredulous that there would be doubt. 'Of course you can, why on earth not?'.

'If not you . . . then who?'

It got me thinking - how often do we tell the people we love how we see them? How often do we say to people that they are a wonderful mother or a great friend or a calming influence on the world? That they give us hope, that theirs is a presence that we rely on.

How often do we tell people what we believe they are capable of?

And it made me decide to try to do just that. Yesterday I wrote letters to a couple of friends whose bravery I admire and I told them of the impact that has on my life and how much I appreciate them.

I tried to let them see what they look like through my eyes.

Who could you give that gift to? Let me know in the comments.

Comments: 5 (Add)

Joyce Bullock on November 22 2019 at 10:19

What a wonderful idea! So simple, and so necessary! Most of us go around wrapped up in our own thoughts and not telling others what an asset/clever clogs/great friend etc etc they are...
I am guilty, I will try to remedy.
Thanks Jane for the nudge!

Jane on November 22 2019 at 12:21

Thanks Joyce - you are right, it is very easy to get wrapped up in ourselves
Much love,
Jane

Alison on November 22 2019 at 22:42

This is so true . I have just lost by gorgeous dad this week and had such lovely messages about the wonderful person/ friend he was . It’s just a shame that people didn’t tell him about his lovely qualities while he was alive 😟

Hazel Blue on November 23 2019 at 17:26

Enjoyed reading this, Jane. And I hope you know how much this friend admires you and values your friendship! I went to a Humanist funeral on Thursday for the sister of a good friend. She was my age. David Bowie and Brian Ferry featured strongly and we sang along with Louis Armstrong to "It's a Wonderful World". Very beautiful and the general message was to live every day with love , and to be generous with compliments, and to strive to find the good in other people. 💕

Jane on November 23 2019 at 17:43

Alison I am so sorry to hear of your Dad's death; sending you lots of love. J xx

Snapdragon social

The hazel tree on the back lawn was the only tree when we moved here 16 years ago. 
Over the summer, when Euan was repairing the shed floor, he found thousands and thousands of empty hazel nuts under it, all neatly gnawed open by tiny, tiny teeth. 
Imagine those field mouse parties, the hazelnuts held up between tiny paws.

We tend to just pick the easy to reach nuts, tonight I’ll make a carrot and green hazelnut salad and I shall feel nicely smug at eating from the garden! 
I’ll leave the windfalls for the mice and the high ups for the red squirrels. They were here before us. 
Hazel trees fruit at a fairly young age. The ones we planted as tiny whips in the hedge 10 years ago are fruiting this year and I’m sure they would have been faster if they hadn’t been growing in long grass, part of a deliberately neglected wild area. 
I’ll put the recipe up on stories later.
When I was on holiday last month I messaged a number of close friends with a three point 'priority list' that I wanted them to hold me to. ⁠⠀
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It read-⁠⠀
1. Simplify things so that people actually know what the Studio Membership is.⁠⠀
2. Make amazing things for my members.⁠⠀
3. Talk about what I do to lots of people in lots of ways.⁠⠀
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The point was for the to stop me doing other things as a distraction from my main job, a job that is feeling more and more important, helping people being more small joyful things into their lives.⁠⠀
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I've been working on 1 and 2 since getting home - the website now has 1/4 of the categories that it had, the link to the membership is now actually on the home page, I've been finalising new products and working on next month's members e-course (about how to wrap beautiful natural seasonal inspired gifts without the Pinterest fuss).⁠⠀
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The third - the talking - is always a struggle for me and I suspect it may always be. There is too much conditioning there, too much being a nicely quiet, head down, work hard, Scottish girl at heart. ⁠⠀
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But I am trying hard . . . . and have resolved too email some people this afternoon and tell them what I do.⁠⠀
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I love bracken at this fleeting time of year - the burst of bright gold before it blends back into the forest floor. ⁠⠀
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An unusual photo for me perhaps but over in the Snapdragon Studio Bee we have been having a really interesting and honest conversation about what people look for when they are buying things - whether it is eco packaging or organic contents or everything made in the UK.⁠⠀
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It was such an interesting topic that it made me realise that I have really not done enough to show the thought and reasoning behind all the things in our products.  I think I felt it was a bit eco-smug at the time. ⠀
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Anyway . . . I have begun with the calendula balm kit and you can see the result above - making a flat lay of all the contents and a key as to what everything is, where it comes from and whether it can be recycled.⁠⠀
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If you want to join the Facebook group it is completely free and open to all - just google Snapdragon Studio Bee and let me know what makes you smile.⁠⠀
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And the balm kit now has all its info in place and you can see it on the website www.snapdragonlife.com
Natural dyeing.⁠⠀
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I think that the most amazing thing about my little foray into natural dyeing is how adding a modifier, in this case a little bit of rust, can transform a colour.⁠⠀
⁠⠀ Both of these were dyed in the same pot.  I chopped up willow leaves and bark and soaked them in water for two days, before simmering for an hour and leaving to steep overnight. ⁠⠀
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I then removed the willow and simmered my 2 hanks of silk yarn for an hour and let the liquid cool.  One hank was removed - which is the gorgeous pale pink - and I added some rusty metal to the pot and watched the silk turn dark grey as though by magic.⁠⠀
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Natural dyeing has been something that I have meaning to try at home ever since I went on a course with @debbiethedyer years and years ago.  I'm so glad that I actually thought to make it into a little project and actually put it in my diary this year.
Since I got back from holiday the bottles on my bedroom windowsill have been empty.⁠⠀
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They looked pretty - like an art installation - but also sad.  There was so little left in the garden that it felt a shame to pick it and turn all views from the house into a sludge of frosted stems.⁠⠀
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Yesterday I decided enough was enough - that there must be some small things that I could pick and Dixie and I went for a walk along the road with a pair of secateurs.⁠⠀
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This was the result - a windowsill that Euan claims is overstuffed! - berries and leaves and seed heads all tucked under the long grass.⁠⠀
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It was a lesson in remembering to venture out and look.  What have you seen recently?
Sometimes it takes a long time to see things clearly, to actually see what it is that is the heart of what you want to do with that ‘one wild and precious life’. I finally feel I’m getting there and I’m tagging a whole bunch of amazing people who have helped me figure it out and winnow it down over the past couple of years.
Who else is dreaming of planting spring bulbs at the moment? 
I can’t think of another activity that sums up that Audrey Hepburn quote “to plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow” - the tucking up of smooth bulbs in the cold ground, the watching for shoots in spring. It feels miraculous. 
This month’s Studio Members e-course is about Spring bulbs, how to choose, how to plant, what I have learned here over the decades. 
It has been lovely hearing about what people are planting and why.
Overwhelm - I wrote a blog this week about how I fell prey to overwhelm and what I did to get over it - you can read it by clicking through my profile.⁠⠀
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I had actually always thought of myself as someone who didn't get overwhelmed, who had so many tactics in place to stay present, stay slow, stay engaged and take action.⁠⠀
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I thought I was immune to getting caught up, tangled up in overwhelm.⁠⠀
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Until that wasn't the case and I ended up weeping at the sheer difficulty of everything.  All I wanted was someone to breeze in and do all my adulting for me.⁠⠀
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It was a lesson in not taking things for granted and to stop and take stock more often.  To avoid drama, to sit still, to do meaningful things.⁠⠀
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I'd love to know your tips, in a comment here on on the blog, or as a direct message.⁠⠀
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About Snapdragon

At Snapdragon we gently guide you through bringing the changing seasons into your daily life, helping you slow down, so that you can experience increased well being, calm and creativity.

Through our communities, both free and paid for, through Jane's writing on the blog, through carefully hand crafted gifts and activity kits, and through our online and in-person workshops we aim to bring people back in touch with the rhythms of a seasonal life.

Learn more about why here

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