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Seeing yourself

seeing yourselves as others see you

A couple of weeks ago I went away with a friend to a swanky hotel. It was only for 1 night, it was squashed into busy schedules, meeting halfway up the country, it felt as though it might be too little.

We went with a purpose - to talk about work and life and plans with someone who wouldn't judge and who might have a different perspective.

It turned out to be transformational - a mini mindset change.

And that wasn't because of the plans we made or the contacts we pooled - though they were great - it was because I got to see myself through my friends eyes. And she sees me in quite a different way to how I see myself.

Where I see from the inside - with all my doubts and cringes amplified and distorted by the fairground mirrors in my head - she sees me from the outside.

From the outside with generosity.

And she believes that I can do things - no question. She is incredulous that there would be doubt. 'Of course you can, why on earth not?'.

'If not you . . . then who?'

It got me thinking - how often do we tell the people we love how we see them? How often do we say to people that they are a wonderful mother or a great friend or a calming influence on the world? That they give us hope, that theirs is a presence that we rely on.

How often do we tell people what we believe they are capable of?

And it made me decide to try to do just that. Yesterday I wrote letters to a couple of friends whose bravery I admire and I told them of the impact that has on my life and how much I appreciate them.

I tried to let them see what they look like through my eyes.

Who could you give that gift to? Let me know in the comments.

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Comments: 5

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Joyce Bullock

What a wonderful idea! So simple, and so necessary! Most of us go around wrapped up in our own thoughts and not telling others what an asset/clever clogs/great friend etc etc they are...
I am guilty, I will try to remedy.
Thanks Jane for the nudge!

Jane

Thanks Joyce - you are right, it is very easy to get wrapped up in ourselves
Much love,
Jane

Alison

This is so true . I have just lost by gorgeous dad this week and had such lovely messages about the wonderful person/ friend he was . It’s just a shame that people didn’t tell him about his lovely qualities while he was alive 😟

Hazel Blue

Enjoyed reading this, Jane. And I hope you know how much this friend admires you and values your friendship! I went to a Humanist funeral on Thursday for the sister of a good friend. She was my age. David Bowie and Brian Ferry featured strongly and we sang along with Louis Armstrong to "It's a Wonderful World". Very beautiful and the general message was to live every day with love , and to be generous with compliments, and to strive to find the good in other people. 💕

Jane

Alison I am so sorry to hear of your Dad's death; sending you lots of love. J xx

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