Journal

Introducing a pay what you can option for Studio Club membership

A few years ago my friend Liz introduced me at an event as someone 'disrupting the face of retail'.

At the time I thought it hilarious, for in reality I will do almost anything to avoid conflict, but now I'm considering adopting it when people at parties ask me what I do. I'm contemplating living up to the description.

Over this past year, with so much time alone to think, I've become more and more discontented with the way we do things as a society, with the way we treat people, with what we are doing to the natural world, with all the things we put up with just because 'that is the way it is'.

So many things need to be disrupted in the world today. I now cannot bear to run a business unless it is disrupting some of them.

These are a few things that I hold to be simple truths.

We do not reward the right things with money in our society. Over the past week I have been helping to look after my parents-in-law in their home. My mother-in-law has dementia and keeping her calm, engaged, safe, fed and stable is a difficult and exhausting job. It is a job that needs great patience, sensitivity, empathy and stamina.

It is likely that the carers who took over the role from today are being paid minimum wage, possibly less if they are on a contract that excludes travel time.

I'm not even going to go into the plight of unpaid carers, the chronically ill, the people on universal credit or those here as refugees and asylum seekers on minimal benefits. I will simply say that money is not distributed fairly in our society and that all business owners should be mindful of that.

It should be a basic human right that we are able to connect to the natural world. We are all part of that world and need to be able to engage with it- whether that is having access to green space, areas to grow things or spaces to sit and contemplate the world around us. I also believe that it is a basic human right to be able to cook and eat nourishing food and to have access to local, affordable, seasonal ingredients.

As the owner of a business that is slap bang in the middle of all those things, selling seeds, writing recipes, photographing nature, I need to be much more inclusive than I have been in the past.

The forces of capitalism and consumerism rely on forcing constant growth. They engineer that by deliberately making people feel that their worth is something outside themselves - something that they need to buy - rather than intrinsic to every single one of us.

In the 1980s, the American feminist writer Audre Lord wrote a famous essay about how using traditional patriarchal academic frameworks was simply disguising the racism and homophobia within feminism and stopping the braver, more inclusive, discussions that could dismantle them. "For the master's tools will never dismantle the master's house. They may allow us temporarily to beat him at his own game, but they will never enable us to bring about genuine change. And this fact is only threatening to those women who still define the master's house as their only source of support".

This is exactly how I currently feel about consumerism - footering around inside a traditional consumerist business model, tinkering at the edges, just isn't enough any more (though for a long, long time I felt that consumer culture was my only source of support and I really do understand that fear). My version of the 'good business' simply disguised the need for change. Instead I need to actively help people to see that they are enough already.

While I was on my 'holiday' last week I thought about this a lot - about how I can change the business without destroying it (see there is that fear). I had already moved all the seeds and supplies into something that is pretty much a co-operative buying model. I buy in bulk, I pack into smaller amounts and sell to members direct without a mark up (though there is a packing charge as I will need to pay somebody to do that at some point). I'm writing growing guides which I will send with orders so that people have the very best chance of growing things successfully (I've completed the sweet peas, the rest will follow).

What is new is that I am going to introduce an integrated 'pay what you can' membership level to the Club. It is something that has actually always been there in the small print, but people had to email me so I could set it up. As soon as I actually thought about how that feels, I realised it was ridiculous to think that was more accessible.

And the fear is there - talking to people about my plans has led to startled expressions, lots of people have used the 'brave' word, even 'cavalier' (from Euan). My parents think I may be deranged. What if everyone decides to grab a bargain and pay as little as possible? What if I have a repetition of the Mumsnet fiasco?* What if I destroy the business and have to quit and get a 'proper job'? And what if certain friends are right and this is actually just a fear of money, a playing small, an excuse to fail.

But it had become clear while on holiday that we are in this anxious time for the long haul, that having the tools to connect to nature, to grow things, make things, to actively engage rather than escape - that all these things are incredibly important. They are more important than whether I'm a bit scared that people will take advantage.

* When I first launched the club I had a voucher for a free month and a welcome pack. Somebody posted on Mumsnet that you could sign up, "get your free stuff" and then cancel before paying anything. And lots of people did. And I lost a lot of money. And I lost a lot of faith.

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